Forums Forums Wirral Information Law And Your Rights can I legally stop my baby's dad from seeing her?

hi all. just need a bit of advice on this. my baby is nearly 14 months old and her father has only really bothered with her when he has felt like it and turned up at mine on a number of occasions late at night when she's in bed so it's not her he's coming to see. I've had enough of him coming and going in her life when it suits and she doesn't even recognise him when he does come since his visits to her are so few and far between. he couldn't even be at her birth! he's now saying he's going to a solicitor for access to her. it's taken 14 months and for me to cut my contact with him for him to say this. he has only ever bought her a couple of outfits and vests for Christmas which he didn't buy until 3 weeks after Christmas and he gave me £20 for her birthday in April but other than that I've had nothing from him. I don't want anything from him now and I don't want him messing her around when he feels like it. can I by law stop him seeing her?

At the moment you could stop him seeing her & he would have to apply for a court order through the family courts for access to her, which they would mediate for visitation. I think the Government is looking to make changes to give fathers more rights at the moment.

Thanks. Would he get access to her since he has never bothered with her? There are other circumstances which I'd rather not go into on a public forum but I'd really rather she had nothing to do with him or his family

I can't afford to go to a solicitor at the moment since I'm not working and having my daughter to bring up alone. I'm scared he's going to try and say I'm a bad mother

I'm not sure, I know it has to be agreed by both parents. Your best giving Citizens Advice a ring they'll be able to advice you.

He would be the one to take it to the family courts so he would have to pay.

Ok thanks. He's on holiday until Saturday so I have until then to figure out what I can do by law. He's saying he's going to come here on Saturday night but I don't want to see him

If he hasn't been abusive and you agree mutually acceptable times i.e. not late at night then there should be no reason why he can't see his daughter. There are no legal reasons and a father should have as much right to see his child as the mother.

He's saying he's going to come here on Saturday night but I don't want to see him [/quote]

And there lies the truth!

It's not the truth at all. Once again Saturday night my baby will be in bed so there's no point in his visit. He has never bothered with his daughter in the past 14 months so why should he now? He has other children who he doesn't bother with either. I should also point out that he's on community service at the moment for breaking someone's jaw, eye socket and cheek bone

There is no point asking for advice if you don't divulge the whole story because said advice will be meaningless!
Has he been violent or abusive to his/your daughter? If not then there is no reason to think he will be, we don't know the whole story behind his community service! If he agrees to visit during the day then I see no reasion why he can't, I think you would be well within your rights to stop him visiting when the child is in bed!

Hi Jen, I would'nt take the reply,s as personel, people are just giving there points of view & as you said we don't know or need to know all the details. As I said give CAB a call to put your mind at ease.

My ex hubby was a bully to me and very violent.
when i left him he took me to the family court and got staying access,so he had the children from 6pm friday to 6pm sunday.
The court welfare officer said he had a right to see his children and as he was not violent towards them he got his access.
I will point out however that after 6 week of him having this access he stopped comming round to get the children and has not seen his kids for 14 years now.his choice.I went back to court after him not comming for 6 years and they took his access away,think they called it abandonment.He has not parental rights at all.

Apart from throwing my phone across the room and it hitting her when she was tiny he has never really been close enough to do anything to her. His family haven't seen her since august with the exception of me taking her to see her grandparents on Christmas eve

as far as am aware the law states that every child has a right to see their parents.
You should seek legal advice.
click on link below

http://www.familylawweek.co.uk/site.aspx?i=ho0

Jen, I really think you need proper advice, and I'm fairly sure you'd be entitled to legal aid. Contact a local solicitor who specialises in family matters - most give an initial consultation free and advise on legal aid.

sometimes jen when you start saying he done this (turning up at stupid hours, not handing over maintenence etc) and he will be saying you done that (perhaps making it akward to see the little one etc)a social worker will be appointed to you. my knowledge of this is a whole lot of heartache, court apperences, wasted time and people interfering. please go to citizen advice tomorrow, they will give you the best way to deal with this situation. the best of luck

Thank you for all your replies. I think a trip to the cab followed by a trip to a solicitor is in order. I have plenty of witnesses to how little he has had to do with our daughter and plenty of text messages proving his lies and broken promises. He's away with his girlfriend and their 10 month old and texting me the whole time telling me he's made a massive mistake and wants to spend the rest of his life with me and go away. Too little too late

Prepare yourself for name calling, death threats, a lot of abuse and people turning their backs on you.

The assault thing is normal for lads, he got caught, thats why hes on cs, don't make him out to be worse than he is, everybody fights.

Be careful what you say to people, if it looks like your trying to [censored] him off it will go in his favour.

Ste I've had all that from his family already anyway

i have been through exactly what you are and it is not about the child its about you.let him go to court because despite the threats the chances are he wont anyway and if he gets access the novelty will wear off. i let my ex see his four and they saw as they were growing up what he is like and dont see him much now .(my x was violent too)as for maintenance the csa have fought for ten years to get me anything from my comfortabley off x and it hasnt happened yet. i think you need official help to stop him arriving when he likes and harrassing you. the courts will take into account previous behavior and act accordingly. perhaps you could ask for supporvised visits by a social worker so you know the baby is safe.

You could maybe have a word with your GP. He can give good advise and will also know much of the family history. Once social services are involved I believe, it's on going until the child is an adult. Has it's benefits obviously, but not necessarily needed at the moment.

Sometimes calling bluff works. Say he can have your daughter pack her bags and tell him you'll see her once a month. I bet he wouldn't even knock on you door again! Depends if you think it's worth the risk.

Alternatively, you could both behave like responsible parents, which is what you should be, and discuss as much as possible for the well being of the child.

A simple solution to the late visits would be to not open the door, tell him if he wants to see his kid he can call at a decent time, also have you called the CSA to get regular maintainable off him?

he isn't working at the moment and has always worked cash in hand so there's no proof to get anything off him. he always has money and I'd love to know where it comes from

why dont you just let him see his daughter at arranged times,and when he does'nt turn up or breaks the arrangment then you've got ammo when you go to court!!!!

I am no legal guru but I know plenty of single mums (and dads), the fact is this, the only way he will disappear is if he chooses to OR if he gets violent and you get a restraining order.

He will be in your life For Ever! Your daughter will always be his daughter. The sooner you come to terms with that the sooner you will get your life back on track, at the moment it sounds like you believe that one day he wont be around and you and your daughter can get on in peace, this will never be the case.

Ps, the fun really begins when you get a boyfriend !

one word of advise from someone whos been there , pick a boyfriend that you x is afraid to mess with . dont open the door and arrange a proper time for him to have baby and make it clear on times et. if you feel he wont stick to them go to court .

That seems a bit like,' out of the frying pan into the fire' syndrome.
Shouldn't give that idea the time of day. Could end up with double trouble and a little girl slap bang in the middle of it all.

The Computer Lab guidance is probably the best so far.

He did phone me last night and say that if he sees me with another man he's going to "smash him". He really is unreal. He cheated on me for 3 years and now I'm not allowed to be seen with someone else.

Hi jen,not that I would personally advocate such a course of action,but don't you know anyone who would break both his legs?This may prove conducive to his gaining a more reasonable perspective on your relationship.Good luck........How's that for good advice Granny?

If you are not working and are on income support or such like you will be entitled to ' legal help'. You can refuse contact if you are not happy with his behaviour and advise him to seek legal advice. If he wants to take you to court he must first attempt mediation before he will be allowed to make an application to the court and he must first make an attempt to sort things in correspondence. If he does make an application to the court the childs welfare will be put first and if you raise issues of drink/ drugs or violence then the judge will order that the relevant proof ie drug test police logs etc be provided. It can be a long process. Courts tend to be of the view that a child should have a relationsip with both parents unless they are a danger to the child. The court rarely orders no contact at all even if soneone is a danger they could still be given indirect contact ie letters cards presents.

You really need to seek legal advice though as foums only give opinions many of which you mau not want to hear.

Good advice maybe, are you volnteering?

and also keep all the threatening text messages stored as proof.

Whilst I agree with the above (a sensible and well informed post), this is a "game" that many parents play for years, the mother seeming to believe that for some reason the child "belongs" to her and that any misdemeanors, no matter how minor or for whatever reason, on behalf of the father is an opportunity to use his child as a favourite toy to be taken away as a punishment.

The rules on access/custody are changing, and for good reason, but it's a slow process. You could keep him hopping in and out of court for years, but if he's persistent in the end he WILL see his child, and as the child grows up they will be able to see how much that parent had to fight to see them, and maybe they'll think that the mother didn't see them as a child, but as a stick to beat or reward their father with. I'm not saying that you're doing this, I'm not saying that I agree or disagree with you, what I am saying is that the choices you make now and the way you handle this will effect the relationship between you and you child FOREVER.

Children have a lot of time on their hands to think, and without understanding the complexities of adult relationships, they blame themselves when things go wrong, because every child KNOWS that the world revolves around them.

He arrives late, ignore him, tell him to come back the next day, don't open the door, don't make it into a confrontation. He calls you, if you don't want to speak to him just tell him that your busy and arrange a time for him to call back. He tells you he wants to be with whilst on holiday with his new g/f, well that's just a control issue, trying to keep hold of you in reserve, which is why he calls late a night, to check on you and thwart any new relationship. If you want to get money from him make the application, there are whole agencies out there designed to see where he gets his money from, and if he sees his child he will of course have to feed her, get her some clothes maybe, it's something that has to build up, he's not going to get a roomful of "stuff" for her if he doesn't see her for months on end.

You need to talk to him, with a mediator present (a professional, not someone's sister or best mate) and work out a sensible plan of when he can see his child, because if you don't and this goes all the way to court and he sticks it out to he end, when he does get to see her, and she has a good time, you're the one who'll have to explain to her why you stopped her doing it for so long.

You'll know if this is just a game to him, if he makes appointments and doesn't turn up, but at least you tried, you tried to give them time together, yes your child may be hurt if they let them down, but you can't keep them locked away because you "think" that might happen, you have to wait and see if it does, unfortunately.

Just keep the professionals in the loop, don't see everything as a confrontation and be prepared to be flexible. Anything you work out between yourselves is likely to be much better than something the courts come up with, especially when you start throwing in holidays/birthdays/Christmas/weddings/family events etc.

Good luck

There's lot of advice here for you to look at, but in all seriousness you need to look at the long term.
How about moving away from the area you are now living in, to somewhere that is more difficult for him to get to you.
New surroundings can often bring new lease of life and that would be beneficial for you and your little girl. There's no guarantee that he will not be allowed to see his own daughter but the harder it is, the less he will prevail. No doubt (looking at his history) he will meet some more gullible young ladies and then start to drift. It won't be an easy ride, but if you chose the right place there is plenty of support in all locations to help you start again. I really hope you can get your head together Jen and think positively. Animosity doea not help the situation only aggrivates it. You must play the cards right be diplomatic,and eventually things may settle to a degree.
My ex husband sometimes stays with me when he comes to visit the family. I am not interested in his life, but I tolerate a situation for the benefit of our family and so does he. Given time it can work and doesn't have to be claw and dagger.
Other than that, as previously mentioned, break his bloody legs!

Hi all. Thanks for all the advice. I've decided to give him one chance before I seek legal advice. I don't want my baby dragged through the courts. I've spoken to his sister in law and asked if I can drop my baby off with her for him to see her. All communication will be done through her and his brother so no need for heated arguments. For the time being he will be seeing her in their house until I trust him, if that time ever comes

do what you want love!