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Jen, I really think you need proper advice, and I'm fairly sure you'd be entitled to legal aid. Contact a local solicitor who specialises in family matters - most give an initial consultation free and advise on legal aid.

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sometimes jen when you start saying he done this (turning up at stupid hours, not handing over maintenence etc) and he will be saying you done that (perhaps making it akward to see the little one etc)a social worker will be appointed to you. my knowledge of this is a whole lot of heartache, court apperences, wasted time and people interfering. please go to citizen advice tomorrow, they will give you the best way to deal with this situation. the best of luck

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Thank you for all your replies. I think a trip to the cab followed by a trip to a solicitor is in order. I have plenty of witnesses to how little he has had to do with our daughter and plenty of text messages proving his lies and broken promises. He's away with his girlfriend and their 10 month old and texting me the whole time telling me he's made a massive mistake and wants to spend the rest of his life with me and go away. Too little too late

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Prepare yourself for name calling, death threats, a lot of abuse and people turning their backs on you.



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Originally Posted by jen8505
It's not the truth at all. Once again Saturday night my baby will be in bed so there's no point in his visit. I should also point out that he's on community service at the moment for breaking someone's jaw, eye socket and cheek bone


The assault thing is normal for lads, he got caught, thats why hes on cs, don't make him out to be worse than he is, everybody fights.

Be careful what you say to people, if it looks like your trying to [censored] him off it will go in his favour.


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jen8505 Offline OP
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Ste I've had all that from his family already anyway

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i have been through exactly what you are and it is not about the child its about you.let him go to court because despite the threats the chances are he wont anyway and if he gets access the novelty will wear off. i let my ex see his four and they saw as they were growing up what he is like and dont see him much now .(my x was violent too)as for maintenance the csa have fought for ten years to get me anything from my comfortabley off x and it hasnt happened yet. i think you need official help to stop him arriving when he likes and harrassing you. the courts will take into account previous behavior and act accordingly. perhaps you could ask for supporvised visits by a social worker so you know the baby is safe.

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You could maybe have a word with your GP. He can give good advise and will also know much of the family history. Once social services are involved I believe, it's on going until the child is an adult. Has it's benefits obviously, but not necessarily needed at the moment.

Sometimes calling bluff works. Say he can have your daughter pack her bags and tell him you'll see her once a month. I bet he wouldn't even knock on you door again! Depends if you think it's worth the risk.

Alternatively, you could both behave like responsible parents, which is what you should be, and discuss as much as possible for the well being of the child.

Last edited by granny; 15th Jun 2012 9:49am.

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A simple solution to the late visits would be to not open the door, tell him if he wants to see his kid he can call at a decent time, also have you called the CSA to get regular maintainable off him?

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he isn't working at the moment and has always worked cash in hand so there's no proof to get anything off him. he always has money and I'd love to know where it comes from

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why dont you just let him see his daughter at arranged times,and when he does'nt turn up or breaks the arrangment then you've got ammo when you go to court!!!!

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I am no legal guru but I know plenty of single mums (and dads), the fact is this, the only way he will disappear is if he chooses to OR if he gets violent and you get a restraining order.

He will be in your life For Ever! Your daughter will always be his daughter. The sooner you come to terms with that the sooner you will get your life back on track, at the moment it sounds like you believe that one day he wont be around and you and your daughter can get on in peace, this will never be the case.

Ps, the fun really begins when you get a boyfriend !

Last edited by TheComputerLab; 15th Jun 2012 2:20pm.
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one word of advise from someone whos been there , pick a boyfriend that you x is afraid to mess with . dont open the door and arrange a proper time for him to have baby and make it clear on times et. if you feel he wont stick to them go to court .

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Originally Posted by arwen444
one word of advise from someone whos been there , pick a boyfriend that you x is afraid to mess with .


That seems a bit like,' out of the frying pan into the fire' syndrome.
Shouldn't give that idea the time of day. Could end up with double trouble and a little girl slap bang in the middle of it all.

The Computer Lab guidance is probably the best so far.

Last edited by granny; 15th Jun 2012 3:29pm.

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jen8505 Offline OP
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He did phone me last night and say that if he sees me with another man he's going to "smash him". He really is unreal. He cheated on me for 3 years and now I'm not allowed to be seen with someone else.

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