you'll need to:
1) Get a beaded seat cover
2) park in unreasonable places
3) give cyclists no room
4) invest in a cheap pair of tracksuit pants.
You also need to take a few courses.
I own the road
The laws of this land don't apply to me.
What glue do i need to stick my fat arse to the seat which prevents me getting out to knock on peoples doors.
God help us,
Don't send Jesus,
This is no place for children.