ok, so I'm opening myself up to ridicule here, I can't dance, 46, and never danced and never needed to until recently. I'm in a strong relationship of 4 years after having been single for a long time, however, my partner is a gregarious person and loves parties, I'm not very social, and generally not a chatty type and have no experience of social occasions as such. I love my partner a great deal and this lack of social skills on my part is causing some considerable difficluties. I'm a shy person in general, not a drinker, professional, educated, ex military, very much a 'loner' in many respects. I recognise that I can be different but lack the know how to get to where I want to be.
So I'm looking for someone to teach me, who can deal with my embarassment and who has patience. Public dance lessons are not for me at this stage.

Its a very long shot and I guess there are those who will snigger at this post but that's their problem. My partner isn't the one to help me either as all her family are 'experts' and comment on other peoples moves, so such ridicule would be an even greater dent to an already very fragile confidence.
If anyone can help, I'd be very grateful.

Dave

You remind me of me dave lol, only I can dance! If your serious about this I have a friend who attends a dan school in portsunlight on a weekly basis. They are crying out for males atm too!

This excuse has stood me in good stead for many years, "I've got a bad back".

Get the film 1980s "Footloose" out and before you know it...

Loose, footloose
Kick off your Sunday shoes
Oowhee, Marie
Shake it, shake it for me
Whoa, Milo
C'mon, c'mon let go
Lose your blues
Everybody cut footloose

Rent Dirty Dancing.

Ignore that "wise" I labelled you. We don't need Patrick Swizzle being mentioned on the forum!!

Thanks Paul

Back to the thread - is it a matter of not having the timing? I have noticed that some people have difficulty with timing.

Its also down to confidence. Once you have confidence, you have style..

There may be trouble ahead
But while there's moonlight and music
And love and romance
Let's face the music and dance....

Depends on your appearance Dave. Think family gatherings and the fat uncle (usually me) trying to cut a rug like I used to and ending up a. knackered b. looking slightly ridiculous or c. flat on my arris. Learn a smoothie dance instead of the dirty dancing bit, you're past that now. Nothing looks better than a well turned out bloke doing a bit of ballroom when all the others around are doing a soft shoe shuffle. It's all about enjoyment really so you need to get comfortable in your dancing skin. Know about the mil bit, I've got two friends here but loads of acquaintances and it makes it difficult when they're not out to ring the changes. It takes some adjustment. Good luck.

Have you tried dancing on your own to some music that you like, with no one around to see what you're doing? Get a big mirror and watch what you're doing. You might not be as bad as you think.

.

thanks guys, I need to be taught tho, I have absolutely no idea what to do, watching a film just won't help I'm afraid, I suspect the problem is attached to a social anxiety disorder which is odd, I can address large groups, lead discussion, anything professional, but when it comes to social occasions, I clam up and simply end up wishing I was not there because I dont fit in. I'm looking for 1 - 1 tuition. I didn't get the opportunities when I was younger to engage socially but I have to get this sorted otherwise I'm going to end up with no relationship because this stupid problem is screwing up my life.
Sanchez, that might help, could you forward some details and yes, I'm deadly serious............
Thanks all once again!

yup, I'm looking for someone to teach me........

It may be beneficial to deal with the social anxiety first. The dancing issue is secondary to that. Good luck x

Just go and enjoy yourself and watch how the rest of the fellah's
dance,the worst part is getting up to dance,once that is mastered then get up and have a go,tell your partner your a lousy dancer and just enjoy.

Can't your partner and her relatives accept that you just aren't into it?
You can't be perfect at everything.
Maybe they need to understand that you have other qualities that are just as important.
If its becoming an issue it sounds like they all need to lighten up.
I know that people go to great lengths to please their partner, but if you're trying to do something that doesn't please you that doesn't seem fair.
I spent my life thus far people-pleasing. At the end of the day some poeple just don't appreciate it.

Please yourself first. Its not about being selfish but rather its about being true to yourself.

I agree with Snooze - the psycho wise one...!!!

I say KILL them all and sh....

...erm...not quite appropriate I think!!

you haven't said what type of dancing you are interested in doing

and if there is a particular type your friend and her family seem to enjoy

to reply to the last post, party type stuff in general, Thanks for the advice on social anxiety, I will follow that up as well. As for pleasing others, I'd guess that if this remained a problem, then it will cause a break up which I really don't want to happen, I don't want to remain imprisioned within my self either so its important on a variety of levels to sort this out..... still looking for a dance teacher tho.

Regards and thanks to all,

Dave

modern would be the term but right now, I'd settle for learning how to move my body in a co-ordinated fashion......

Sounds like what you need is a sense of rythm first off and then just lose the inhibitions a bit and not worry about what other people think. A shot of the short stuff before dancing might help so long as you don't get out of your tree before treading the light fantastic. Rest assured though Dave, you are not alone.

Thats the reason I don't dance, made the mistake of watching myself try. I got rhythm, play a few instruments (don't bother Bert, Snooze etc!!!)

Well done Dave_R for doing something about it, I am similar age and haven't had the bottle to even contemplate asking anyone, however if there are any young curvaceous ladies who fancy the biggest challenge of their lives then I might be persuaded with a lot of persistence, being a generous sole, there may even be a shilling in it for you.

I've told her what I intend to do, so there's no going behind anyone's back, dvd's...... not for me, what I believe I need is a teacher.... get over the self conciousness first then a dance class, that's the plan, it's the first step I need......
I don't want to look amazing, just don't want to stand out by being bad, plus, getting this sorted would mean my beloved and I could go out together rather than just her going, even to family celebrations, which is the case at the moment.
I love her enough to want to move out of my comfort zone and change....... no jokes about lightbulbs please!!!

Have you thought of actually calling dance teachers who do groups and asking for 1-2-1 instead? They must get people asking all the time.

I have, with no success, I'm invited to the dance lessons of course but given that I am an absolute novice, the classes are above where I'm at, if that makes any sense?

The Apollo Dance School in Pasture Road in Moreton have a whole range of classes. They go right from total begginers. There may be others there who are further ahead of you when you start but they will start you right from the basics. Don't forget, everyone there was a begginer to start with and you don't get the sniping or sniggering, they're there to help and advise too. It's very relaxed, bite the bullet, you'll love it.

I've heard of the apollo, I will give that a try. As for dutch courage, not being a drinker, I'd probably slide off the barstool on the first sip lol........ I'd prefer to have the security of knowing a little bit before I commit myself tho

If only you suffered with epilepsy.

When you have a fit people would think you were body bopping.

lol, sicko...............

I'm still looking........................

have an evening in play some music maybe a few drinks

why not ask your girlfriend to teach you
If you learn to dance in a co-ordinateded way with her it would look far better dancing in step with her than bringing something
learnt elsewhere that may be a bit different from how she dances

Party dancing everone has their own thinking on how it's done

Have a look at website www.lerocmerseyside.com
This is modern jive & is at the Grosvenor Ballroom in Liscard on a Thursday at 7.45 p.m.
Every night starts off with an absolute beginners lesson, followed a little later by virtually one to one tuition by the instructors in a side room.You don't even need a partner, as you constantly change partners during the lessons.A lot of the moves are very simple to learn & easy to join together.If you look on the website there are videos of lessons.

Bob.