What do you do when your friend has a child that is so obnoxious, you dread her coming with the child to your home? The child is rude and disrespectful, touches all the electrical stuff in the house ( telly, dvd, xbox, computer, keyboard) when they have been told not to, lounges on the furniture putting filthy shoes on the couch, whinges, screams and whines that they're bored, constantly interrupts adult conversation and is just very badly behaved. The child has insulted my (adult) children with totally inappropriate comments (which made me want to beat the child with a bat to be honest) I love my friend dearly, but am not sure how to tackle this issue and it's making me not want to ask her round to mine because her child really makes me very angry. Any tips on what I should do, or should I just grin and bear the situation?

why not meet in the park on a good day or indoor play area on a bad day so that the child has something to do why you chat, I would also sugest a friend for the child, all children can be devils when board, if you meet away from the house you can walk away without seeming rude

Baseball bat !

In my house it's my rules and I'm lucky that none of my friends have had any problems with me putting their children on my naughty step or telling their kids they'll get a smacked arse if they carry on (never had to do that one because the threat has always been enough) of course I've asked my friends permission before telling their children off and if anyone had said no they would have been asked to leave...as I said it's my house & my rules...hopefully you're able to ask your friend do they mind if you handle this your way...as long as your way isn't the baseball bat...they may have a problem with that one haha

i have seven sons and they are all pretty much well behaved if my friends visit with thier children i expect them to behave too!i go by the rule that if other peoples kids do something i wouldnt allow my children to do in the house then they get told off for it the same as my children would!why should you have to put up with that in your own home.

Lauralu is right its your house and your rules. Im baffled as to why the childs mum doesn't say anything . If the mum dislikes you telling her child of for misbehaving in your home. Then i would tell her not to come anymore. To be honest this is why we have so many crimes going on at the mo. Because parents dont chastise their kids at an early age and they dt know right or wrong. Cant you go to her house instead or meet on neutral ground like the park or open space. You and friend could walk and talk the kid can run his energies off in the fresh air.

Glade how old is this child , and does the mum speak nice to the child or shout ?

Bang super nanny on while they are round as a little hint.

sounds to me like the mother need to be educated how raise children

maybe the parent of the child is embarassed by the behaviour of the child and doesn't want to be seen to be telling the child off!!!on the other hand maybe its the parent and yourself who are in the wrong?i mean if you want to meet up to have a chat ect maybe you should do it in a child family area??if you dont like things being touched in your house then it seems cruel to take a child there and expect it to sit on its hands!!!we've all been kids!!

Nightmare Glade! Songbird seems to have a good idea, as there is nothing worse than a bored child. The child may have already expressed to her mum that she's not happy about visiting you, (because she's bored) and of course if the adults are talking between themselves and she doesn't have her mother's attention, well it's a recipe for naughtiness. I don't believe that any child is perfect, far from it, but they are different. Personally I would also intervene and make the child understand that YOU are not happy with the behaviour, sometimes it has more impact coming from someone else. All that's needed is something like 'I am not happy with the things you do in my house' . The child will probably winge and the parent be taken back a step, but it will no doubt get a message across and the child will definitely remember. Then you can get a lollipop out and include the child for a while. Just don't talk about certain adult stuff...that's not always good and earwigging can lead to a lot of damage. Even if you don't think they know what you are talking about, they usually have a good idea and that makes them worse.
Park is a really good idea.
Can't say I'm the expert as all children and situations are different but that's the way I see it. Hope it helps.

Was thinking the same myself lol

This. Is the kid expected to sit in silence while you 2 spend the afternoon chatting? GL with that ..

i find it hurrendous that parents blame the kids!!!its up to the parents to keep them occupied!!why not meet in a soft play somewhere,there is tea and coffee facilities while the child gets to play while you get to chat!!and i bet the childs mother doesn't bring toys around to yours to keep it occupied!!!

my friend does tell her child off (as do I), but it makes no difference. even when I go to her house the child is badly behaved and rude and they have all the toys and activities there for their amusement. The child does have a DS or something when they come to mine, so it's not like there's nothing to occupy them.
Then what I find funny is when I'm about to leave their house or vice versa, the child gets upset and doesn't want to go or let me go home! I have thought recently that this child is going to be a problem later in life, yes we've all been kids and yes I have kids too, now grown up but you can tell when a child is just being a child as opposed to taking it past the point of just childish behaviour.
By the way, the child is 10 years old and I believe, now old enough to know how to behave when in someone elses house.

trust me, I couldn't last an afternoon, i've had enough after an hour of constant squealing, demands, tantrums and interruptions

My brother and I were well-behaved and brought up very strictly. There was one occasion when I rebelled. My mother was talking to a neighbour in the street for what seemed hours, and would not come home. In the end I deliberately kicked and scraped the toes of my new shoes. That made her shift!

We do not have to suffer badly-behaved people in our homes be they adults or children.
The parent should learn how to control the child. There is plenty of help available these days.

If I was 10 years old and you wouldn't let me touch your machine or xbox when there was nothing else to do you can bet I'd have been pissed off as well =p

Easy (read as: obvious) solution: Make a new profile on the xbox, sit the kid in front of the tv and give him the controller and he'll be fine for the rest of the day.

I think I'll just have to make excuses to not have her round when it's the school holidays, at the weekend or evenings when the child would likely be home or worse, brought with her to mine. I'll invent excuses that mean I won't be home if she asks to come round with the devil child. It won't surprise me though if the behaviour gets worse and the child ends up being the type of gobby teenager none of us want to have living next door

[Then what I find funny is when I'm about to leave their house or vice versa, the child gets upset and doesn't want to go or let me go home! ]

Seems to me you have a bargaining tool there... if the child gets upset when leaving you (this is a ten year old? Oh dear... sounds like classic attention-seeking behaviour to me) perhaps you could say something like 'Sorry to have to go, but I really don't like the way you've been behaving. I'm sure we could find a way of making things better so we can all enjoy our time together, adn you don't get told off all the time. How do you think we could do that?'

Ah well, a girl can dream!

your the adult here, So while the 10 year old is in your home its your rules, i would tell him or her to behave,or else he or she wont be back.
worked for me once, i had one in my house who jumped all over the furniture and dissrespected the parent who couldn t control him.
I put up with it only a couple of times and said enoughs enough.
When you behave you will get to play the playstation or whatever.
But made it clear he dosent behave like that in other poeple s houses.
Thing is does your mate let the kid get away with this behaviour in the first place.

Seems like yopur mate cant controll the kid ither.

try interacting with the kid, I had to go to my aunts every week as a kid, summer hols she had the cricket on when I knew that (why don't you and kick start) was on, the thing was she didn't watch it, she was outback drinking tea, I would ask her if she could put the kids tv on and she would bite my head off, so I would then play up so that we could go home, I was so bored there now I have the last laugh when she comes to mine and asks for the soaps to be put on " no I've got sky and s4c is so good" then I go out the back for a smoke.

exactly what i was trying to say. And they know where they stand with you they change there tune.

I used to visit a friend who had a couple of Devil Kids.
Your friends kid seems to share the same behavioral traits. My mate had just got divorced and I believe that her kids had Attachment Issues and were insecure? They imo viewed me as a threat to their security, with their mum.

We are no longer friends and the above observation is made within hindsight.
I hated the horrid little bitches, evil little cows at the time but now i can see that they were hurting and that their mum was too wrapped up in her own needs to recognise theirs!?

I still see 'S' every now and again around Liscard. The evil twunts are in their 20s now and still give her grief. God, I hate them girls. grrrr

Then again the parents should put there foot down.A kid should look up to theres not run riot.

And.....whilst im 'on one' and ranting....This woman also had a toddler that she would bring to mine in a shitty little ground-shaking buggy and whilst we were gabbing, at the kitchen table, the little twunt would be grabbing handfuls of my jigsaw and either eating them or shoving them down the sides of the buggy or throwing them around the kitchen.

She 'never noticed' and sat there looking gormless when i flipped my lid.

I got my revenge one day when I picked the little shit up from nursery. It was a uphill hike from there to her house and there was no way i was gonna push the little shit in the bone shaker up hill. Ha! Spoilt little lamb didnt know what had hit him. Twunt. He must be 16 or 17 now.....

I think your advise is good, Edd well done, I hope we wikki peeps have helped you.
Let us know how you get on.

Its not the kids fault!! Morals and good old fashioned family values have slipped over the last couple of decades,respect for elders and parents has been lost.

Not surprising when parents also act like spoilt brats in this "me me,me" society!!

More discipline required IMO.

?

How old is the parent. Is she still a child herself ??

sometimes all the kid needs is a good slap. But if the parent isn't willing to do this then she needs a good slap

ADHD is a figment of people's imagination so don't try pulling that one

If this little brat isn't sorted out soon then it will grow up to become one of these kids who riots and the parents will be the ones crying on t.v saying "they're a good kid, I don't know where it all went wrong"

Its pretty obvious where it went wrong tho. It goes wrong when the parents don't discipline their children properly

So violence towards the disruptive kid will help? Think about what sort of role model that gives them.

ADHD is not a figemtn of anyones imagination, it is a overused excuse mostly i grant you, I have a son with it, he doesnt do drugs alchohol or crime, doesnt trash anything does well at shcool, he is polite and lovley everyone comments on his manners and lovliness, but he is diagnosed with it, i wont go into why as was doagnosed as to be honest i feel it would be wasted on you. I also wont be replying as again it would be wasted, i just wanted you to know that there are very decent kids out there who do have adhd with parents who work hard to bring them up properly despite it,

We had visitors who brought their brat with them, made him welcome, chatted to him a bit and he seemed ok. Gave him a toy bus to play with and he promptly trashed it, very impressive. His folks weren't happy with him but just told him it was naughty. Haven't been back since though. He wouldn't get anything of mine to amuse himself again anyway. My kids were brought up to behave or suffer the consequences, the same as I was, and they're all ok, all 4 of 'em. You get one go at being a Mum and Dad, get it right and you're ok, get it wrong and you're in the clag.
Some of the posters on here prove that some parents get it wrong, you know who you are.

Don't tell me you've got a degree in sociology !!!!!
Haha
Next time Iraq or Iran threaten nuclear war then just remind England to "tell the teacher !!"

anyway its not violence its discipline
Violence would be punching, drawing blood, beating with a weapon

A simple slap ISNT violence !!

9/10

Excellent trolling, would lol again.

Only 9 !!! I was going for a 10 !!!
I would never condone giving someone elses kid a slap ever but I would definitely have a go at the parents for not dealing with their own kids properly

I know it's all friends and stuff but it should be common courtesy

As these posts continue and fill us in with more details, I would think there's is more than meets the eye. Maybe the parent has the problem! Don't really wish to say anything negative about your friend Glade but there could more going on than you realise.
The reason being, that in one place I lived (not around here) my neighbour had an only child and the father worked away much of the time. The girl would come to my house to play and my daughter went to her house to play. The girl was at that time 8/9 years and didn't play with children of her own age.My daughter about 6yrs. The child, although not naughty, never wanted to be on her own with her mother in her house and I can remember one time when I collected my daughter to take her home. That little girl's face looked at me with such a haunting, intensity, as if begging and she said 'my daddy is away'! Which I already knew and she knew, I already knew.
A little while later, the school called me in and asked me to keep an eye on things, they too, were concerned. Her mother was in fact eventually admitted to a psyciatric hospital for a long period on treatment.
Obviously, that little girl had been trying to tell us something and didn't really know how to, but she was frightened of being on her own with her mother.
You, Glade, know the people concerned and I am not trying to put ideas into your head, but maybe the kid gets more tellings off, than you realise! Maybe you are her safety net for a short period of time.

why doesn't your friend come and visit you when the child is in school?and in the school holidays do stuff with the kid!!!i.e swimming(free for kids on holidays)!!just a thought!!and rogerthetodger you really do sound like your fit to have kids dont you!!!!!NOT

No the parent is not a child, she's early forties. I just don't know if she realises just how bad her child is and it's not her only child by the way. She's not a single parent.
I've tried being nice to her child by saying if you're nice and things, then you won't get told off but the response is usually an evil snide look and then just I'm ignored. As I said before though I'll just in future only see my friend when the child isn't there and have to just smile though gritted teeth if the child is ever present. I'll just stop asking them to mine which is sad but I'm not prepared to have an unruly gobshite running amok amongst my house, terrorising the cats and pissing me off!
thanks for all the comments though

Hi granny, no I've seen the child with both parents and they don't tell it off as much as they should, they let the child get away with murder ( by the way, I'm calling the child "it" as I just don't want to give any clues as to who i'm talking abou in case they come onto wikiwirral and recognise themselves!)

none of us here know the child you are reffering to so we can only judge the child by what you say.
I think the child does have problems and is exspressing them through bad behaviour.
Perhaps granny has hit the nail on the head here and the warning signs are being ignored, or perhaps there are medical issues A.D.H.A - autism - aspergers.or perhaps the child know you don't like it an so is naughty at your house so they can leave.
Maybe you should talk to your friend about her child and see if you can help her with her childs behaviour.
you are after all her friend

Going out on a limb here but have you considered that the child is wise to where he/she can get away with such behavior? Most parents find it embarrassing, rude or out of place to start balling at their kids in other peoples homes. Especially with all the busy bodies about so quick to pick up the phone to social services if you as much as look at your kids in the wrong way. As has already been suggested try meeting in a neutral place where the parent feels comfortable to discipline the child.

if the kids got that much energy, thrash it up and down the stairs or up and down the street, i find the threat of physical exercise helps control a situation, set out a clear consequence for the child, if mum is not interested or is not impressed tell her were to go!