Hi all
Quick story:
Split with wife of 3.5 years at end of march 2010. We had been trying for children for 3 years and ended up having IVF, had the last session on the last day of march and split a day after.
She was pregnant a month later and said it was not mine, then told me a load of dates for scans ect that I later found out was a lie. I spoke to her and she said she would do a DNA test once it was born.
Now she wont speak to me, wont reply to any messages, her family wont help ect....
Without going on Jeremy kyle (never ever i my life would i do that), what are my options?

First Call: Citizens Advice Bureau.
Second Call: Solicitor.

And for what its worth, Good Luck

Maybe a trip to the registry office for a copy of the birth certificate too. See if your name is on it!!

good luck anniebo, hope everything turns out good for you x

hi iwould play the waiting game once the child is born and a bit of time passes you could possibly put a dummy in the childs mouth or comb the hair that is enough for your own dna but do not do it on the cheap online they are not reliable good luck i hope this helps be sly if you have to

lmao gypsyjune dont think it will come to that..a solicitor can easily grant a court order requesting dna profile on the baby as the maintenance of the child should be part of the divorce settlement....am sure they can carry this out whilst baby is in the womb too...well they do on maury povich... but joking aside i can imagine this is very hard time for anniebo at the moment...anniebo i hope you can find the strength to fight this and get the wish that you want xxx

Thanks for all the help, just to claify:
-The baby has now been born
-She swore it was not mine, even though, due to the timing of our IVF if she had a normal pregnancy, any child born December 31st or earlier would be mine, the baby was born end of November and I have a source who said she told them it was 3 weeks early so it still should be mine.
-I have not seen or spoken to her as she will not reply to any emails, messages left with family, letters ect...
-I have not seen the baby at all but have been told it has black hair like me (her fella is ginger and she is fair haired)

get in touch with solictor and cab asap and good luck x

Good luck anniebo. I hope you find peace of mind

Do you have parental responsibility for the child? Has any maintenance been requested from you? It may sound strange, but is there a chance of you getting back together or are you looking at divorce? You can go down the private testing route, but should you end up going to Court with a divorce and custody/acces/finances etc then you may find that it won't be allowed as evidence as it has to be from a specific list of accredited bodies for paternity testing.

You need to find out if your name is on the birth certificate.

As for the suggestion of taking a dummy or hair - don't do it! Just because they do it on CSI and other TV shows, doesn't make it legal. Only those who have parental responsibility for the child are able to give permission for the child’s DNA to be used in the test (Human Tissue Act 2004 s2(3)).

Although most people can understand a potential father wanting a DNA test to find out if it's ‘his’ child, the Courts may not take the same view. The Judge may view you as having acted in an underhanded way if you have gone behind the mother’s back. And, if you don’t have parental responsibility for the child, you may face a criminal charge.

My advice is to find a Family Solicitor.

We are getting divorced, no two ways about it.
She has not asked for any payments ect... she has not even told me its been born, I found out through a friend.
I don't know if my name is on the birth cert, I doubt it is knowing her and her monster, sorry mother.
I wouldn't do the CSI thing and do a home send off kit, apart from the legal view, it would be a bit strange if I ran up to a child that I don't know or know what it looks like and pull its hair out or steal its dummy. I'd be on the register before I had licked the stamp!
Im going to go to the solicitors when I get back from work in a few weeks, Im only 25 but didn't want to be one of these people with kids all over the place to different women and now this, its doing my head in as I have always wanted children (hence the IVF I went through for on her behalf) and now it seams like I have been used as some sperm donor.

Total sympathy mate

The only outcome is probably a few years or more of pain trying to get cooperation, I really don't envy you.

Sorry to ask a daft question but if she was having IVF treatment, what would the chances be of getting pregnant naturally with another partner so soon after treatment?

Based on the IVF date, the due date would have been the 22nd December, give or take a few days so the baby arriving 3 weeks early does tie in with your dates.

Fingers crossed you get some answers soon.

It depends on the reason for IVF. My friend and her ex split because they couldn't have children, yet about 6wks later she was pregnant by the new guy. The problem was that her uterus was hostile to her ex's sperm. Just because you have to resort to IVF doesn't mean that it's because the sperm aren't motile enough or either partner is sterile.

Hope that helps

To be honest mate I think you are lining yourself up for years of grief and cat fighting. Try and get counselling or something and make an effort to put it behind you otherwise you will just have a lifetime of worrying and it won't help the nipper to be in the middle of it all anyway. You'll meet another woman sometime in the future but don't do it on the bounce. Whichever way you go try and keep your head together. Good luck.

anniebo28, not much help here, very difficult situation !

I have many issues with my first born's mother, she's a nightmare to be polite ! just remember a few things, keep calm (easier said than done I know)

do everything 1 step at a time the legal way, talk to CAB and solicitor (if possible) also try a website called FNF there's loads of legal help there

never give up, no matter how hard things can seem (and sometimes things get really messy / hard) never give up, just imagine if this baby is your off spring you have every right to be there for them