WORRIED that nobody will show up at your funeral? Look no further than Rent A Mourner, an Essex-based company providing sad people for funerals when (as its website delicately puts it) "there may be a low turnout expected".
scared you'll die alone? Don't be, Rent A Mourner will see to your funeral guest list
Bookings are also on the up because people want something more dramatic than a mousey British send-off. They want sobbing, hair tearing and breast beating, in the way of excitable foreigners.
We had professional mourners in Victorian times, known as "mutes". They looked tragic during the service and doubled as waiters for the wake. Dickens despised them and in the funeral in Martin Chuzzlewit he describes: "Two mutes… looking as mournful as could reasonably be expected of men with such a thriving job in hand."
Yes, a career in professional mourning could be the answer. Short hours, free booze and all the ham sandwiches you can eat. link