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10 rules for dating my daughter #188235
13th Dec 2007 8:52pm
13th Dec 2007 8:52pm
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,422
Ellesmere Port
T
Tony_1985 Offline OP

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Tony_1985  Offline OP

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Ellesmere Port
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and hoot, you'd better be delivering something, because you're sure as heck not picking anything up.

Rule Two :
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a contact zone in Angola. When that happens, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

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Re: 10 rules for dating my daughter [Re: Tony_1985] #188236
13th Dec 2007 8:55pm
13th Dec 2007 8:55pm
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 2,667
Wirral
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Civic_Coupe_Sean Offline
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Civic_Coupe_Sean  Offline
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Wirral
Wouldnt like to date his daughter haha

Re: 10 rules for dating my daughter [Re: Civic_Coupe_Sean] #188238
13th Dec 2007 9:23pm
13th Dec 2007 9:23pm
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,380
bromborough
chiccy Offline
chiccy of the chiccyness
chiccy  Offline
chiccy of the chiccyness
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Posts: 2,380
bromborough
pmsl im sure i heard jonah coming up with simelar rules for grace haha x


Find me on facebook as: Gail Jones

Find me on msn as : ibizachic[at]hotmail.com

♥`*.♥.* ♥.*chiccy* ♥`*.♥.* ♥
Re: 10 rules for dating my daughter [Re: chiccy] #188245
13th Dec 2007 10:30pm
13th Dec 2007 10:30pm
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,422
Ellesmere Port
T
Tony_1985 Offline OP

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Tony_1985  Offline OP

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Ellesmere Port
yeah, he probably did knowing jonah

Re: 10 rules for dating my daughter [Re: Tony_1985] #188256
13th Dec 2007 11:10pm
13th Dec 2007 11:10pm
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,875
Wirral
Mondeo_Scott Offline
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Mondeo_Scott  Offline
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Wirral
nice post there tony lad just remind never to date your daughter lol yipee

Re: 10 rules for dating my daughter [Re: Tony_1985] #188257
13th Dec 2007 11:13pm
13th Dec 2007 11:13pm
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 21,231
Wirral
Mark Online Reading

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Mark  Online Reading

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Posts: 21,231
Wirral
lol


My Avatar images are all from the Wirral Gallery.Click Me
Wow Wirral History is coming along Great! Wirral History

we get +200 new members a month now smile
Re: 10 rules for dating my daughter [Re: Mark] #188268
13th Dec 2007 11:34pm
13th Dec 2007 11:34pm
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,422
Ellesmere Port
T
Tony_1985 Offline OP

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Tony_1985  Offline OP

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Posts: 2,422
Ellesmere Port
scott, i wouldn't let YOU near her, if i had one

Re: 10 rules for dating my daughter [Re: Tony_1985] #188284
14th Dec 2007 12:30am
14th Dec 2007 12:30am
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,875
Wirral
Mondeo_Scott Offline
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Mondeo_Scott  Offline
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Posts: 2,875
Wirral
that abit nasty raftl after all people do say your my brother so with that in mind i will pass raftl im not in to datin my own family raftl yipee

Re: 10 rules for dating my daughter [Re: Mondeo_Scott] #188289
14th Dec 2007 12:36am
14th Dec 2007 12:36am
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 22,315
Moreton/Beirut/Mobile
MattLFC Offline
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MattLFC  Offline
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lol ive had a few birds with dads like thats... sweet talked em all though tease

Re: 10 rules for dating my daughter [Re: MattLFC] #188291
14th Dec 2007 12:38am
14th Dec 2007 12:38am
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,875
Wirral
Mondeo_Scott Offline
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Mondeo_Scott  Offline
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Wirral
lol matty all ur interested in lately is the birds mothers raftl

Re: 10 rules for dating my daughter [Re: Mondeo_Scott] #188292
14th Dec 2007 12:39am
14th Dec 2007 12:39am
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 22,315
Moreton/Beirut/Mobile
MattLFC Offline
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MattLFC  Offline
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Moreton/Beirut/Mobile
lol nah am not interested in any girls anymore...

well theres always one in me dreams but shes bin a no go area since i finished her haha!

Re: 10 rules for dating my daughter [Re: MattLFC] #188296
14th Dec 2007 12:41am
14th Dec 2007 12:41am
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,875
Wirral
Mondeo_Scott Offline
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Mondeo_Scott  Offline
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Wirral
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm uv just made ya self sound gay raftl well we herd it hear first on cruisewirral so wots it like now your out the closet raftl

Re: 10 rules for dating my daughter [Re: Mondeo_Scott] #188300
14th Dec 2007 12:43am
14th Dec 2007 12:43am
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 22,315
Moreton/Beirut/Mobile
MattLFC Offline
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MattLFC  Offline
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Posts: 22,315
Moreton/Beirut/Mobile
lol there too much hassle, too much expense, too much time consuming, too clingy!! At my time of life I cant be doing with all that, I aint got long left.

Have them there for when ye need em and not when they need you, thats my motto..

Re: 10 rules for dating my daughter [Re: Mondeo_Scott] #188301
14th Dec 2007 12:43am
14th Dec 2007 12:43am
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,422
Ellesmere Port
T
Tony_1985 Offline OP

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Tony_1985  Offline OP

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Ellesmere Port
you can talk scott

how old's your latest girl friend ?

16 aint she.... pushing 17 if she's lucky !

Re: 10 rules for dating my daughter [Re: Tony_1985] #188302
14th Dec 2007 12:44am
14th Dec 2007 12:44am
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,875
Wirral
Mondeo_Scott Offline
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Mondeo_Scott  Offline
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Wirral
17 mate nearly 18 to honest thumbsup

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