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#384334 - 27th Jan 2010 3:00pm To separate or not? Effects on Children
MissGuided Offline

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Registered: 18th Jul 2008
Posts: 9995
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Arguing parents upset children more than those who separate

Parents who argue are more likely to make their children unhappy than those who live apart, a report has claimed.

Conflict within a family causes children 10 times more distress than living in single parents households, the study by the Children’s Society concluded.

Of 7,000 children aged 10 to 15 who were surveyed, those who said their family "gets along well together" were found to be on average around 20 per cent happier than those who did not, regardless of their family structure.

By contrast, children living in lone parent households were said to be 2 per cent unhappier than those living with both birth parents.

Bob Reitemeier, chief executive of the Children’s Society, said: “In terms of marriage, this report shows that children living with married couples do report slightly higher levels of wellbeing, but it’s not significant. What really matters to children is that their parents get along, whether they live together or not.”

The findings contradict a 2007 report by the Centre for Social Justice (CSJ), the think tank founded by the former Conservative leader Iain Duncan Smith, which made a clear link between marriage and the wellbeing of children.

The survey, conducted by YouGov, found that children who did not grow up in two-parent families were 75 per cent more likely to fail educationally, 70 per cent more likely to become addicted to drugs, and 50 per cent more likely to develop an alcohol problem.
But Maria Miller, shadow minister for family, said yesterday the that new findings show good relationships in the home are just as important to a child's wellbeing as living with married parents.

"This report highlights yet again that the strength of family life is determined by the relationships within that family. The most important influence on our childhood is the family we grow up in. Good parenting and good relationships between parents is critical in shaping the next generation," she said.

The new findings from the Children's Society, in collaboration with the University of York, have been released a year on from the publication of the Good Childhood Inquiry, a landmark independent report into modern childhood commissioned by children's charity.

Source
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#384406 - 27th Jan 2010 10:16pm Re: To separate or not? Effects on Children [Re: MissGuided]
Wench Offline

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Registered: 9th Aug 2008
Posts: 8616
Loc: Second Circle of Hell.
I always say it's better for children to have parents who don't live together and are happy than parents that stay together "for the kids" and are miserable!!

People think that kids are unable to understand or see that their parents are not happy. It doesn't matter how hard you try to hide it, kids are not stupid!! They can pick up on it from an early age.

Personally, I think it does more damage than good when couples stay together. JMPO.

I have a friend whose husband is verbally and physically abusive to her. She stays "for the kids". I've explained to her that she is showing her son that it's ok for a man to treat a woman this way and showing her daughter that it's acceptable behaviour too!! What kind of chance do they stand with role models like that!?!

I can't live her life for her, I know that, but it breaks my heart to see those kids suffering - because that is what it is IMO.

It's something I feel strongly about so make no apologies for my opinions. Some of you may know that I am unable to have children, those that didn't do now raftl

I think children are a precious gift and should always come first - if you are in an unhappy relationship or an abusive/destructive relationship GET OUT OF IT FOR YOUR KIDS SAKE!!! Show them that it's NOT acceptable and show them that it's a good thing to be strong and walk away. They, and you, will respect you more for it in the long run.

I'm going to get off my soapbox now, before I bust a bloodvessel.
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#384421 - 27th Jan 2010 11:23pm Re: To separate or not? Effects on Children [Re: Wench]
_jase_
Unregistered


Originally Posted By: Wench
it's better for children to have parents who don't live together and are happy than parents that stay together "for the kids" and are miserable!!



withthat yes

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#411675 - 27th May 2010 2:14am Re: To separate or not? Effects on Children [Re: Wench]
Petal Offline
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Registered: 14th Nov 2008
Posts: 195
Loc: Birkenhead
I always say it's better for children to have parents who don't live together if they aren't happy than parents that stay together "for the kids sake" and are miserable!!
I think children are a precious gift and should always come first whatever but not always the way in some cases the male moves straight into another relationship take the role of being a dad to a strange child/Children & push there own child/children to one side and that's all i seem 2 hear now days where have all the good guys gone. It's the child/children that suffer mental torch-er, heart breaking it is to watch i say get a grip..

ANY D*CK CAN MAKE A Baby BUT IT TAKES A MAN TO BE A DADDY!

withthat

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#411687 - 27th May 2010 8:45am Re: To separate or not? Effects on Children [Re: Petal]
_Ste_ Offline


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Registered: 7th Aug 2005
Posts: 15985
Loc: New Brighton
Originally Posted By: Petal
I always say it's better for children to have parents who don't live together if they aren't happy than parents that stay together "for the kids sake" and are miserable!!
I think children are a precious gift and should always come first whatever but not always the way in some cases the male moves straight into another relationship take the role of being a dad to a strange child/Children & push there own child/children to one side and that's all i seem 2 hear now days where have all the good guys gone. It's the child/children that suffer mental torch-er, heart breaking it is to watch i say get a grip..

ANY D*CK CAN MAKE A Baby BUT IT TAKES A MAN TO BE A DADDY!

withthat


oh fookoff!

You DOCKERS shouldn`t drive the men away in the first place!
And over the taking a role of being a dad to someone elses kids, it comes as a package if you happen to find a DECIENT ladyfriend who has kids!

Live with it or keep your trap shut cos you know SHIT ALL!

no
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#411697 - 27th May 2010 10:36am Re: To separate or not? Effects on Children [Re: _Ste_]
Sanchez Offline

Wiki Veteran

Registered: 17th Dec 2003
Posts: 8019
Loc: my house
my parents stuck together till I was 16. What a crock they should have seperated well before that. I know they were trying to do the right thing, but I feel life would have been better if they seperated earlier.
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#411706 - 27th May 2010 11:03am Re: To separate or not? Effects on Children [Re: MissGuided]
diggingdeeper Offline

Wiki Guardian

Registered: 9th Jul 2008
Posts: 9548
Loc: Birkenhead
Originally Posted By: Snooze
who said their family "gets along well together" were found to be on average around 20 per cent happier than those who did not, regardless of their family structure.
Quote:
children living in lone parent households were said to be 2 per cent unhappier than those living with both birth parents.
Quote:
found that children who did not grow up in two-parent families were 75 per cent more likely to fail educationally, 70 per cent more likely to become addicted to drugs, and 50 per cent more likely to develop an alcohol problem.

So they are now saying it is ok for a child to be uneducated, a smackhead and an alcoholic as long as their childhood was a bit happier.

The percentages show quite clearly that a two-parent family is better in the long term BY FAR, yet strangely they come to a different conclusion by only looking at the short-term.

Now I wonder why that could be - could it be that the government are looking for some short term savings and that they are planning on reducing the funding for counselling services, family intervention etc, I guess that would be cynical whistle
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#411708 - 27th May 2010 11:10am Re: To separate or not? Effects on Children [Re: Sanchez]
bert1 Offline

Wiki Veteran

Registered: 27th Nov 2008
Posts: 7826
Loc: tranmere
Its pretty pointless parents sticking together for the sake of children if world war 3 breaks out in front of them all the time. If they can live together civilised and in agreement, this can only benefit children and who knows in time reconciliation might be the outcome. The worst is, whichever parent gets custody of the children, they then use that child as a weapon and bargaining chip against the other parent, normally just through vindictiveness and nothing else.
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Come yourself,
Don't send Jesus,
This is no place for children.


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#411721 - 27th May 2010 12:05pm Re: To separate or not? Effects on Children [Re: bert1]
milie Offline
Newbeee

Registered: 25th Jan 2010
Posts: 43
Loc: leasowe
When me and my ex where together all we did was shout at each other and our son would get upset. Since we split over 2 years ago our son became so much happier and me and the ex also get along so much better.

I believe that parents who cant get along with each other should split up its much better for the kids at the end of the day.

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#411774 - 27th May 2010 3:04pm Re: To separate or not? Effects on Children [Re: milie]
BandyCoot Offline

Forum Veteran

Registered: 7th Dec 2008
Posts: 5334
Loc: Birkenhead
The outcome of any survey depends on the agenda of the people who are conducting it. Like everything else, kids with mums and dads, kids without mums and dads, mums and dads who are miserable together, mums and dads who are happy together - it's all part of the human condition, always has been, but now they put stuff into a computer and come out with a "result" which coincides with whatever they need to make their money. No experts can agree on anything so it is up to the individual to make their own mind up. I'm speaking as one who has been married to my missus for 44 years, with 4 kids who are all ok and working and not on drugs. It was ok at the beginning but I must have said something on the way to the reception.
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Birkenhead........ God's own Room 101.

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#411794 - 27th May 2010 5:01pm Re: To separate or not? Effects on Children [Re: BandyCoot]
diggingdeeper Offline

Wiki Guardian

Registered: 9th Jul 2008
Posts: 9548
Loc: Birkenhead
Originally Posted By: BandyCoot
It was ok at the beginning but I must have said something on the way to the reception.
You managed to get that far? - lucky man!
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In a time of universal deceit - telling the truth is a revolutionary act. George Orwell

When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates

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#411863 - 27th May 2010 9:26pm Re: To separate or not? Effects on Children [Re: BandyCoot]
jimbob Offline

Forum Addict

Registered: 26th Nov 2008
Posts: 1530
Loc: Birkenhead
do we assume the reception was after you had the 4 kids then. must say not very many did it that way in those days. he he
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